we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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