garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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