did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
