It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize