i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
