You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
