i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
