Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
