Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
