His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
