Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
