fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
