Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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