apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
