i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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