I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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