found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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