so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
