I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
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He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
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