i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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