That's when you crack a 10am beer
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
