and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
