Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
