Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
