I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
