and you said cock pushups were impossible
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
