I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
