You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
