he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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