Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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