You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
