he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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