Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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