I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
