hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
