Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
