May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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