A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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