We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
