Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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