Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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