U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
