Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.