They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
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What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.