if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.