But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
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I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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