the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
