I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
