Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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