K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
