Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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