i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
