does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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