The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
