Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
