babies were throwing up all over the place
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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