Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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