i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize