Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
