Life is so much better after having sex.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
