also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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